Dogs are like men, and cats are like women
Like every other average joe I have cats and dogs for pets. I still remember my dogs Jinky, Lindsay, and Scotch. Jinky died and I cried. Lindsay died and all other howled for several nights thereafter. Scotch died and all our dogs gathered around the hole we dug up and stood there watching while we buried him. Now I have cats – Yuna, Sylvester, and Garfield. Yuna won’t eat from her bowl once other cats have eaten on it and she walks around the house like she owns it and we are her guests. Sly struts his way in the house and partakes of the most accessible food like it was cooked for him. Garfield, who does not act like the real one, tends to stare blankly at you and scurries away at the most sublime act of threat.
Men are like dogs
Men, like dogs, piss at posts, walls, and other landmarks.
Men, like dogs, are obedient to their masters (read: wives or girlfriends).
Men, like dogs, don’t need directions to find things and places. They both smell their way through it.
Men, like dogs, learn tricks easily and know when to use it.
Men curse, shout at, and punch each other. Dogs growl, bark, and bite.
Men, like dogs, instinctively turn around right after sex as if wanting to immediately get out of that mess. Both, unfortunately, find themselves stuck.
Women are like cats
Women, like cats, want to be caressed gently to sleep.
Women, like cats, are territorial. Take them to your house and they think they own, not just the house, but you as well. They also don’t want to be in places where others (read: your ex) have been.
Women, like cats, are vain. They groom themselves every other so minutes. The interval, frequency, and manner of each grooming depend on the weather, purpose, and location.
Women, like cats, have hard time following instructions.
Women need manuals for everything and cats learn very few tricks.
Women take men’s arm, bury their head on their shoulder, and talk in a very soft voice if they want something; Cats press their paws on you, rub themselves against your legs, and purr.
Women bat an eyelash, cats hiss.
Women, like cats, make loud piercing noise and claw on you during sex and a few days thereafter.
