Cats and Dogs

Dogs are like men, and cats are like women

Like every other average joe I have cats and dogs for pets. I still remember my dogs Jinky, Lindsay, and Scotch. Jinky died and I cried. Lindsay died and all other howled for several nights thereafter. Scotch died and all our dogs gathered around the hole we dug up and stood there watching while we buried him. Now I have cats – Yuna, Sylvester, and Garfield. Yuna won’t eat from her bowl once other cats have eaten on it and she walks around the house like she owns it and we are her guests. Sly struts his way in the house and partakes of the most accessible food like it was cooked for him. Garfield, who does not act like the real one, tends to stare blankly at you and scurries away at the most sublime act of threat.

Men are like dogs

Men, like dogs, piss at posts, walls, and other landmarks.

Men, like dogs, are obedient to their masters (read: wives or girlfriends).

Men, like dogs, don’t need directions to find things and places. They both smell their way through it.

Men, like dogs, learn trick easily and know when to use it.

Men curse, shout at, and punch each other. Dogs growl, bark, and bite.

Men, like dogs, instinctively turn around right after sex as if wanting to immediately get out of that mess. Both, unfortunately, find themselves stuck.

Women are like cats

Women, like cats, want to be caressed gently to sleep.

Women, like cats, are territorial. Take them to your house and they think they own, not just the house, but you as well. They also don’t want to be in places where others (read: your ex) have been.

Women, like cats, are vain. They groom themselves every other so minutes. The interval, frequency, and manner of each grooming depend on the weather, purpose, and location.

Women, like cats, have hard time following instructions.

Women need manuals for everything and cats learn very few tricks.

Women take men’s arm, bury their head on their shoulder, and talk in a very soft voice if they want something; Cats press their paws on you, rub themselves against your legs, and purr.

Women bat an eyelash, cats hiss. Women, like cats, make loud piercing noise and claw on you during sex and a few days thereafter.

Old Friends New Era

Last night I met with the few friends I had in college. As with all other reunions, we talked about each others’ and other people’s lives. Catching up – a valid excuse for middle aged men to engage in tsismis. It would’ve been more fun had everyone in our group was present. I remember all 6 of us sharing the same locker. We had this log book which we individually filled out each day with almost everything we could think of may it be serious (a.k.a love life. that’s the most serious concern we had those times) or trivial. At the end of the day, we would go over each entry and accord it or its writer the customary smirk, laugh, and/or curse. Sadly, one was in Mexico, the other we couldn’t reach or would not let us reach him, the last was at work (damn the call center working hours!).

We had 3 liters of beer (well I had about 6 glasses and was already half asleep and ready to “call the crow” just a couple of hours after) and talked some more while listening to Madonna (Vogue still rings in my head now). Wait! No, we were not in a bar where ladies wore knee-high leather boots which they slam on the wooden platform every time they do a split. We were at Gerry’s TriNoMa. And why they were playing 80s songs that time escapes me. At the last liter, we were already talking about our plans. We were talking about possible business ventures and investments. We were talking how we can make it big. We were talking about serious things. It was amusing, interesting, and surreal. A few years back we talked about nothing but pranks and jokes during this kind of gathering.

After that, we dropped by at Club Industry (Bellagio Square, Tomas Morato, QC), the Managing Partner of which is a very close friend. 11pm is considered early in party people’s standards so there weren’t much crowd. We enjoyed the lights and sounds of the fastest rising party site in QC. My friends downed a couple more beers before calling it a night – well, to be exact, it was dawn. We neither had the energy nor the freedom to stay up and wait for the onslaught of crowd estimated to arrive at 3am.

And so it ended. We parted ways. Shook hands. Shot each other mild personal jokes and vowed to keep in touch and see each other again. On my way home, I realized, we are at the crossroads of adulthood and maturity. Suddenly, the burden isn’t as light as it used to be.

Simple Rules for the Committed Man

During one of those “kulitan” sessions I had with my officemates, we identified some rules which a committed man should strictly follow in order to maintain a balanced and well-managed relationship. Here’s my version of the rules:

1. Always maintain a timid and innocent image.

2. Never get caught.

3. If caught, assess the situation and apply any of the following options, preferably in the order appearing below:

a) Deny;
b) Blame others; or
c) Admit to a lesser act but implicate others.

In keeping with the objective of these rules, it is highly encouraged that option 3(c) above be resorted to only when forgivable acts of lesser gravity than that actually committed are available for admission or when there is an element of coercion however minimal; otherwise, always resort to option 3(a).

4. Honesty is overrated; believe in the saving power of a lie, but use it sparingly and wisely.

Rationale behind Rule No. 1: Simple. Recall quips and comments such as “Really? He doesn’t look like someone who’d do such a thing.” or “He couldn’t even hurt a fly.” or “He didn’t strike me as someone who’d fool around.”

Rationale behind Rule No. 2: Ever heard of the saying “To see is to believe.”? Yes, it applies here as well. Regardless of how much women are addicted to gossips and rumors, they also take it with a grain of salt once they’re the ones involved.

Rationale behind Rule No. 3: Here we have to thank law for giving us the basic right to due process and the presumption of innocence. For this to work perfectly, one must have a good sense of creativity and imagination coupled with masterful debating and acting skills. Enough said.

Rationale behind Rule No. 4: Never believe a woman when she pleads for the truth in exchange for a pardon or a commutation of sentence. That is a lie. And since they lie about that, men should be allowed to lie in response to a lie. What’s that saying again, “lie for a lie, tooth for a tooth”?

Another Knot Tied

I attended my officemate’s wedding last 19 April 2008 at St. Joseph’s Parish, Las Piñas – home of the famous Bamboo Organ. I imagined the church to be large so I was surprised to see that it wasn’t. Its quaintness is apt for intimate weddings such as this one. Oh, and it’s my first time to attend a wedding officiated by 4 priests – 3 of whom are the groom’s friends. It was fun. It was nice. We had a really fine time.

Kill “Monthsary”

Filipinos give much value to the monthly celebration of a “boyfriend-girlfriend” relationship. In fact, owing to the lack of an English term therefor, we have even created a word for it, i.e., monthsary.

The etymology of this term, however, eludes me. I can only surmise that it is the result of combining “month” and “sary”. The use of the word “month” is without a doubt clear enough. But what about “sary”? Obviously, it was derived from anniversary by taking “anniv” out, which we know to refer to a year. Now, “sary” doesn’t mean anything, or if it does, it is not related to its intended use. Thus, monthsary as a term is senseless.

Since we took it upon ourselves to coin a word, shouldn’t we at least make something that has logical basis? So, I propose  MENSIVERSARY.

Its etymology is easy to understand, we just use “anniversary” as the basis. It comes from two Latin terms, namely, annus and versare. The former means “year” and the latter means “to turn”. So “anniversary” means to turn another year. Hence, if we want to refer to “to turn another month”, we get the Latin term for month, which is mensus, and connect it to the Latin term versare. This results in MENSIVERSARY.

Now we have a logical term. It’s time to stop using something without basis. Don’t greet your loved one “happy monthsary” anymore. It means nothing. It amounts to greeting without meaning. Spread the word. Spread the love. So to all whose relationship turned another month today, I greet you all a HAPPY MENSIVERSARY!!!